These tree-men were made by an artist. All the creatures were made of twigs, leaves, thorns and nuts. The creator of the tree-men did not know that they were magical and could move. Soon, he built a massive army of the stickmen; they soon learned how to do karate. They trained every day to get stronger and more powerful. They defended their tribe from people who tried to cut down the trees to make furniture. They kept the wood for themselves. The trees soon used the wood to make homes. They were protecting everything they had. They still live now!
Sunday 18 February 2018
The Tree-men by Jakub
These tree-men were made by an artist. All the creatures were made of twigs, leaves, thorns and nuts. The creator of the tree-men did not know that they were magical and could move. Soon, he built a massive army of the stickmen; they soon learned how to do karate. They trained every day to get stronger and more powerful. They defended their tribe from people who tried to cut down the trees to make furniture. They kept the wood for themselves. The trees soon used the wood to make homes. They were protecting everything they had. They still live now!
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Hi Jakub,
ReplyDeleteThank you for this interesting piece of writing. I like how you started in a factual way and then allowed the magic to take over!
Your story also has good structure and ends up very much in the present. I wonder what would happen in the next part of the story?
My suggestion for you next piece of writing is to practise adding description. Imagine your reader does not have the picture you were inspired by and they rely on your words alone (adjectives, similies and metphors are my favourites).
Best Wishes
Debbie Team100WC, Bristol, England